DM Interviews: Starcraft
by D.M3
Summary: I interview the gang from Starcraft. Artanis Interview now up Holy Crap i finally updated wow!
1. Mengsk

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and any thing that resembles anything from other fanfiction is a coincidence.  
  
D.M.: Hello, hello welcome to the show. Today we are interviewing Arcturus Mengsk!!  
  
*Mengsk comes in waving*  
  
D.M.: Umm.who are you waving at?  
  
Mengsk: The audience.  
  
D.M.: But were in my basement sitting at the bar..  
  
Mengsk: ..  
  
D.M.: Ok first question, why is the Sons of Korhal logo a hand holding a whip?  
  
Mengsk: Well funny you should ask, well one night me and Duke got a little bored, and we found a whip *grin* and then...  
  
D.M.: MENGSK THIS ISN'T NC-17!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mengsk: Damn it oh well..so anyways the guy I hired to design the logo saw the shadow of the whip against the wall and went with it..man me and Duke really had fun and so we kept doing it and doing it, hell were still doing it.*grin* I even have some tapes of us with the whip that I could show you...  
  
D.M.: Dirty, Dirty stop corrupting my life argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Phone Rings*  
  
D.M.: I'll get it *picks up phone* ya.ok...okay.  
  
Mengsk: ????  
  
D.M.: Its for you. *Gives Mengsk the phone*  
  
Mengsk: ok....  
  
D.M.: ...  
  
*Mengsk turns off phone*  
  
D.M.: Well?  
  
Mengsk: woo.. Kerrigan for gave me for feeding her to the zerg so she wants me and Duke to meet her at TourturingBastardsRus  
  
D.M.: ok..umm have fun??  
  
Mengsk: see ya *runs away*  
  
D.M.: well that was a disturbing interview, next time we interview Duke.wait never mind he's with Mengsk *shudder* so I guess I'm interviewing..um..Zeratul. Oh and an URGENT announcement to all citizens of the terran dominion under Emperor Mengsk..he's gay with his top general so over through him and Duke and feed them to the critters, that's just a suggestion though..hehe  
  
D.M.: I think that went well.  
Well that's the first one so plz R+R I am at your command. 


	2. Zeratul

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and any thing that resembles anything from other fanfiction is a coincidence.  
  
D.M.: Hi, folks today on the show were interviewing the silent, cloaked, super assassin we all know and love Zeratul!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Stares at door waiting it for it to open*  
  
*Ten Minutes Later*  
  
D.M.: *Still staring at door* umm well..I guess he's not here yet...  
  
Zeratul: I am here human.  
  
D.M.: wtf???!!!! Were are you...wait damn it Zeratul I cant see you when your cloaked....un-cloak god damn it!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zeratul: oops..sorry...hehe..  
  
D.M.: Any way..ummm what was it like to kill Raszagal????  
  
Zeratul: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want my Raszewazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*  
  
D.M.: *sweet drop*  
  
Zeratul: How could I have killed her!!!!!!!!!!!!wahhhhh!!!! I miss my Raszewazy!!!!!!!! *looks at Made In Canada* Mommy I want my Raszewazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
D.M.: bloody hell this is the Hyper Guyver interview all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(no offence Hyper I love your stories, u rock!!!!!!!)  
  
*Four guys walk in*  
  
Aaron: Faggggggggggggggggggg..oh burn!!!!!!  
  
Brett: Lonnnnnnnnnnnerrrrrrrrr...oh burn!!!!!!  
  
Curtis: aboooooooooooooooooo...oh burn!!!!  
  
Ty: Like your mom....oh burn!!!!!!!!!!  
  
D.M.: bloody hell, those four ass holes followed me here after school..that's it you die now *starts charging up ki blast(DBZ)*  
  
Zeratul: human what is this Fag oh burn loner oh burn abooo oh burn and like your mom that these four speak of??? D.M.: *evil grin* *powers down ki blast* umm. Zeratul in your language it means..umm.. Raszagal is a evil bitch.and slut..and is on pot...and is evil..and is a cow!!  
  
Zeratul: *very pissed off* umm interviewer can you leave the room...  
  
D.M.: ummm can you kill them in the room that's down the hall to the left?  
  
Zeratul: fine...  
  
D.M.: *waits to hear the psy blades slicing through "the four"*  
  
*Machine gun fire is heard from the room*  
  
D.M.: .......  
  
*Zeratul walks out of room, closes the door behind him and sits down at the bar*  
  
D.M.:......  
  
Zeratul: what????????????  
  
D.M.: why did I here machine gunfire instead of slice and dicing?????  
  
Zeratul: *looks at psy blades* well duh there flashlights!!!!!!  
  
D.M.: FLASHLIGHTS!!!!!!?????????? *falls over anime style* wait so everything you Protoss use are Flashlights?? How do you kill anything????  
  
Zeratul: oh that's easy the buildings and units are made out of paper and so all we need is a Magnifying glass!  
  
D.M.: I see...hey why is blood coming out of that room..  
  
Zeratul: oops I forgot to clean up..oh well it's a storage room...right?  
  
D.M.: you bastard you owe me 10, 000 dollars now!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zeratul: you don't say.well look at the time I have to finish my statue of Raszagal.it's made of pure crystal...  
  
D.M.: rrrriiigghhhhhtttt..hay wait you oh me 10 grand!!!  
  
*Zeratul cloaks and then and Arbiter recall field fills the room and Zeratul is gone*  
  
D.M.: wait I thought it was flash lights.damn he still owes me the 10 grand..grrrrr, oh well.um on next weeks show I am interviewing Kerrigan on the set of the Godfather..oh shit. *pulls out cell phone and dials a number* hello? Rent a fleet..yep..yes I would like to borrow the Empires(STARWARS) fleet for a day.No Darth I am not your son, Luke is..ummm stop yelling Noooo...ummm bye.Well that was weird..ummm bye?  
  
PLZ R+R I AM AT YOUR COMMAND 


	3. Kerrigan

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and any thing that resembles anything from other fanfiction is a coincidence.  
  
D.M: Sorry about the wait damn homework! Oh and Book Master I Drank the coffee and slapped myself three times..oh well on with the show!!!  
  
*D.M. sitting down in leather chair in the office from the Godfather while the chair on the other side of the desk, back is facing him and the front is facing the window*  
  
D.M.:....um..hi  
  
*Kerrigan swivels chair to face D.M.*  
  
Kerrigan: So Don D.M. you come to me with a problem, I fix it and yet you refuse to pay me, you will pay.....hahaha!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Scene changes to a bedroom with D.M. standing in it about to go to bed*  
  
D.M.: What.um I guess its bedtime *pulls away sheets*  
  
*The area once covered by the sheets now reveals two heads!!!!!!!!!!!!!*  
  
D.M.: Bloody hell the shows just started and we've already ripped off the Godfather completely...I mean.....OH MY GOD KERRIGAN KILLED DUKE AND MENGSK AND CUT OFF THERE HEADS AND SHOVED THEM IN THE BED IN AN ATTEMPT TO RIP OFF THE HORSE HEAD IN THE BED SCENE FORM THE GODFATHER!!!!!!THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*For no apparent reason the scene changes to D.M.'s basement and D.M. is sitting behind the bar and Kerrigan is sitting on a bar stool*  
  
D.M.: What the hell was that???!!!!  
  
Kerrigan: 100% randomness  
  
D.M.: I see..nice work one killing Duke and Mengsk, but didn't you try the same thing on the Hyper Guyver Show but the heads got reattached to there bodies (No offence Hyper)  
  
Kerrigan: I learned my lesson there so I chopped up the bodies  
  
D.M.: Where did you put them?  
  
Kerrigan: Hehe.lets just say don't eat any McDonalds burgers soon  
  
*D.M. looks down at the McDonalds burger that he was about to eat and gives it to a near by randomly placed Zergling*  
  
D.M.: So...why are you uninfested?  
  
Kerrigan: It's for StarCraft 2  
  
D.M.: I see so how's you and Jimmy coming?  
  
Kerrigan: That S.O.B we never even got it on before he left me for that damn Medic!!! So I never lost my virginity!!!!!  
  
D.M.: Umm sorry..  
  
Kerrigan: Wait..your still a virgin..*looks at D.M. and licks her lips* (Oh shit!!)  
  
D.M.:...eek!  
  
Kerrigan: Come here big boy!! *Lunges at D.M.*  
  
D.M.: Shit!..this is the last time I trust Rent-A-Fleet with my life..oh well I guess I'm on my own!*Tries to make a run for it*  
  
Kerrigan: Feisty! *Grabs D.M.'s leg and begins to drag him to a near by bedroom*  
  
D.M.: Double eek!!  
  
*D.M is pulled into room until only his head and arms are sticking out of the door*  
  
D.M.: ok that was not really an interview, but still!, any ways IF I survive this on the next show I'm interviewing Artanis..bloody hell...oh and HELP!!!! A SEX STARVED KERRIGAN IS DRAGING ME INTO A BEDROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!HELP!!!!  
  
*D.M. is completely dragged into the bedroom*  
  
D.M.: This is not good....  
  
*D.M. tied to bed Kerrigan standing over him*  
  
Kerrigan: Any last words  
  
D.M.: This wasn't in the contract....HELP!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kerrigan: Ha yell all you want nothing can save you now  
  
D.M.: Shit  
  
*Suddenly "Kerrigan gets shot 20 times and falls over dead, and the shooter is none other than*  
  
D.M.: Kerrigan?....wait how did Kerrigan kill Kerrigan?  
  
Kerrigan: Duh that wasn't me  
  
*Kerrigan walks over to the dead body of "Kerrigan" and pulls off the mask reveling*  
  
D.M.: Duran!!!!!!!!!!! What the hell, Duran tried to do me!!!!!!!!! Argh die Duran!!!! *kicks dead body*  
  
Kerrigan: ok then...  
  
D.M.: can you explain what happened?  
  
Kerrigan: ok Duran was very horny.and know one wanted him..and he stole my invite and dressed up like me as uninfested and said it was for StarCraft 2...but in that I am still infested as you can see.  
  
D.M.: wow  
  
Kerrigan: Yep  
  
D.M. so can you come back for an intervew after I interview Artanis?  
  
Kerrigan: ok *leaves*  
  
D.M.: well next week Artanis will be intervewed!!!! Ok byes folks!  
  
D.M.: wow..ummm R+R I AM AT YOUR COMMAND 


	4. Artanis

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and any thing that resembles anything from other fanfiction is a coincidence  
  
D.M: Hey folks I'm back, and holy crap that's was the longest god damn wait ever sorry about it but hey crap happens, well anyway on with the show! (And also my Author pin was D.M. for like years and now its like D.M3 even through I was the first one with the name damn it!)  
  
D.M. sitting behind the bar waiting for Artanis to show up  
  
D.M: Damn where is he............  
  
Just then a random Protoss Scout comes crashing into the basement and Artanis comes out  
  
Artanis: Tassadar!  
  
D.M: Hi, what, the hell are your taking about?  
  
Artanis: Tassadar have you heard about Tassadar, I mean Tassadar was so Tassasdar, with his Tassadarness, wait, I'll break into song!  
  
D.M: Oh God no...........  
  
Artanis: Well he fought with Zerg! Da Da! He Battled the Overmind! Da Da! He riddled with Kerrigan! Da Da! Some random thing he stole! Da Da! He was chase by zerglings! Lost in the Grocery Store! Escaped in a barrel from the Overminds Bowels! Tassadar! Tassadar, Tassadar! The bravest little Protoss of them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
D.M: No amount of therapy will make this better..........  
  
Artanis: Tassadar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
D.M: We get the bloody point your obsessed with Tassadar, and you wreaked my basement so that will be 100, 000 dollars, and you just ripped off a song that Leonard Nimoy wrote about Bilbo Baggins and changed the lyrics, and to top it off Zeratul still owes me 10, 000 dollars for the carpet!   
  
Artanis: Well we will see. Tassadar!  
  
D.M: Ok, now back to the interview that hasn't even started yet.........first question why are you so obsessed with Tassadar!  
  
Artanis: Well you see, I just think he is so neat oh! Why, he's so swell! I swear I love him so much! What a templar! A templars, templar, I mean he's so beautiful!  
  
D.M: Sweat Drop Umm ok so you love him like a farther loves his son right?  
  
Artanis: Ya sure! That's it!  
  
D.M: Do to me now feeling a little scared I will ask you something completely random...like......what things did the cast exclude you from?  
  
Artanis: Porn and Sex Night.....  
  
D.M: He I remember that Kerrigan locked you out of the mansion, God that was fcking funny, good times, good times  
  
Artanis: You were there???  
  
D.M: No, umm I was at...hey look a distraction  
  
Artanis: What were?  
  
D.M: Oh you just missed it!  
  
Artanis: Tassadar!  
  
D.M: Ya ok............  
  
Artanis: Ya!  
  
D.M: Ok next question, what was your overall purpose in StarCraft aside from that cinematic and trying to kill Kerrigan in the last level but failing?  
  
Artanis: Well I was originally cast as the comic relief, but then I meet Tassadar and Blizzard tried to fire me, and then Tassadar got that restraining order......  
  
D.M: Restraining order? Why?  
  
Artanis: Well you see I was walking passed his trailer while he was in the shower and the door opened when I opened it.....  
  
D.M: Wow a door opening when you opened it wow!  
  
Artanis: Anyways I walked in and then the door to the bathroom opened when I opened it, and the same thing happened with the shower door.....  
  
D.M: ARTANIS THIS ISN'T NC-17!!!!!!!!!!! (Hey I no it does not exist anymore but it will return!)  
  
Artanis: What....oh...well anyways I ended up getting hit by a Psi Storm and ended up in the hospital with a restraining order given to me by some random guy.  
  
D.M: Ok your fcking messed up  
  
Artanis: Am I or am I the only fcked up one here  
  
D.M: You are the only fcked up one here  
  
Artanis: Good!  
  
D.M: And you're proud of that?  
  
Artanis: Ya, or as Tassadar would say....  
  
D.M: SHUT UP ABOUT TASSADAR!!!!!!!! Anyways the shows almost over...  
  
Artanis: When Tassadar's shower door opened when I opened it steam came out and....  
  
Cell phone rings, D.M answers it  
  
D.M: Now that's good timing! Hello, ok...but..fine...later I guess...sure...no I do not have 200 dollars...bye.  
  
hangs up phone  
  
D.M: Well Kerrigan can't make the next interview cause she and Raynor are having "fun" so I guess Tassadar is my guest on the next show!  
  
Artanis: Tassadar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
D.M: Bloody Hell!  
  
Artanis: Tassy is coming!!!! I must stay cause Tassy is so Yummy! My tummy feels funny!  
  
D.M: This is not good.  
  
D.M:R I AM AT YOUR COMMAND 


End file.
